I've thought for a long time that I wanted to be 18, 20, 21 years old, and living a different life from this one. That I was tired of all the ogling, and the desperate need for attention, I was bothered how in this time of my life I can't really live, but only try and gather enough of everything so I can live later. I was tired of the way people drop in and out of my life, of how hard it is to find someone you can have a normal conversation with from time to time. It seemed possible, when I was younger, it was a refugee for all the hard times, that I will grow up and move away and find myself and all of that. Because now everything puts on so much pressure that it's suffocating, I feel like I'm between four walls, in a room that smells like a space heater pushing deep against the air inside. I've been missing out on a lot of things, for the simple fact that I take everything and twist it in my mind and make it so damn complicated. So now, I don't want big cities and falling in love in Paris anymore, I want something far more simple. No. Actually, I still want big cities and I want Paris and I want unlikely-to-happen-adventures, but I want even more. I know it's a cliche, but I'm already regretting a lot of things, and I now I will regret tons more when I'll be older, so I really prefer regretting things that I did do, taking chances, than things I didn't have the guts to try. I shouldn't be so terrified of making a bad decision, I can not avoid this.. endless "chain" of mistakes anyway.
Bad decisions make better stories, oh, that's comforting.
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