she's lost control

"Confusion in her eyes that says it all

She's lost control

And she's clinging to the nearest passer by

She's lost control

And she gave away the secrets of her past

And said I've lost control again

And of a voice that told her when and were to act

.....
But she expressed herself in many different ways,
Until she lost control again.
And walked upon the edge of no escape,
And laughed I've lost control.
She's lost control again."


-joy division

...right, christmas.

falling feels like flying (for a little while)

Forgive me for being so redundant...
I don't remember ever being without this strange feeling of guilt, straight to the pit of my stomach, during winter. It doesn't really matter whether I'm alone or not, it's just a strange tiredness always pulling me over. I feel like I have never been well rested in my entire life. It might not be at all atypical, most people get depressed during winter, but this feeling it's so persistent..i don't know, i don't really want to know. I still need to figure things out, I still need to stop taking steps back, but I am not depressed right now at all. It's a strange déjà vu and all that, but in the end, I'm just too tired for all of this to start it all over again.

note to self: stop taking things for granted. stop taking life for granted.

teenage wasteland

she has blue hair and still gets id-ed buying cigarettes. she's cutting to waste her smile and youth, she's taking back all that she'd proved. and she's smoking just to kill the time, but smoking kills her expensive perfume instead. the mob didn't drag her in, but she's managed to get stuck somewhere in between. 'how many times must i explain myself, you just got it the wrong way. how many times do i have to say i'm just living dissipation'

it's just your way, you hear me wrong
I hear you say you're getting up, getting up
baby hold on, baby come on