Random thoughts that I should have kept to myself

1. If your entire life is working up towards one really important purpose that you hold on to for years, then you will have a major anticlimax after the dust settles. I always get into stupid fights with my friends because they have it "all figured out" and I haven't even picked a college yet. Let me see if I got it right. You go to kinder-garden, then to elementary school, then to highschool, and by the time you finish highschool you have to know who you are and what you want to do, otherwise you'll be poor and have an unsatisfying life, isn't that right? And then you go to college, and straight after college you go out and join the world -you go find a job, hopefully one which would lead to a career, get married, have kids. But it's not over yet. You still have to get to that point in your career when money will come flowing and everything else will come easy, so you work and work and work and try to reach higher and higher positions, but it's never enough. Then you retire, and you try to enjoy everything more because you have the sudden revelation that life is finite and you wasted it working in some racket selling insurance, but it's harder now because you're getting older and sicker and then you're dead, and the only proof of your existence are your kids, and soon they will be dead as well. Maybe I'm too cynical, it's true, but I hate it that we think of life by analogy with an escalation with a major goal at the end, and the most important thing is to get to that end, whether it's success, money, starting a family or whatever. It makes you miss it all.

2. Destiny does not exist. Some people think it's beautiful, that we are led by a superior force which has already figured things out for us, but don't you see how limiting, delusional and stupid this is? You're basically saying that I have no control over my life and no matter what I choose to do with it it's in fact already set since before I was even born. Why would anyone lower themselves to the level of just a "project"?

3. Lately I find myself in too small a circle of friends. For whatever reason, I repeatedly agreed to go out with "acceptable" people. What is there to discuss with this kind of people? When I start (or try to) a conversation, excepting the not so rare, stupid cases when I offer "psychological counseling" and bad advices, I suddenly realize its striking nullity. It's almost delusional. And then, one of two things happens. I either indulge myself into superficial conversations, about mutual acquaintances, parents, school, you name it, or I fall into an abrupt disapproval of everything and everyone and start an almost incoherent confusing argument with my equally confused partners. I allow myself to get dragged into this delirious situations, being under the impression that I don't have anything better to do.

FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT.
FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT.
FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT.
FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT.
FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT.

...right, christmas.

À Paris

ah, Paris, mon amour

(Edith Piaf- Sous le ciel de Paris/Yves Montand- À Paris/Edith Piaf- Notre Dame de Paris)

happy halloween

knightcat

11.02 pm. my mind is a cluttered mess and my teacup is filled with thé des sources

WE ARE THE KIDS

YOUR PARENTS WARNED YOU ABOUT





we're the Brooklyn gang

i need a new bike

i really really really

check this out

modays is for drinking to the seldom seen kid.

i'm in New York state of mind

i recovered some pieces
of my old blog
because i'm not over
just yet
and i will start all over.