Warhol & Hitchcock

two of my favorite people of all times

la douleur exquise

I'm sorry to cut in like this with another quote, it's just that other people's words simply fit in so well..They just say it better than I could. And I feel it this way, and it's real. So, when my words fail..
"Pain is strange. A cat killing a bird, a car accident, a fire…. Pain arrives, BANG, and there it is, it sits on you. It’s real. And to anybody watching, you look foolish. Like you’ve suddenly become an idiot. There’s no cure for it unless you know somebody who understands how you feel, and knows how to help."-Charles Bukowski
Mind you, I'm not trying to adopt their view of the world, although I assimilate it, it's fucking inspiration. It's a bit unoriginal, but I try to be real.
But actually the point of me writing this was to thank somebody. Let's face it, I'm brainsick, I'm often cast aside because of my self-destructive way of complicating everything..thank you for understanding, thank you for being there at all times. Too often I underestimate you, and right now, I'm so happy, there's no more room for my forsaken ghosts.

"Don't you just love New Years? You get to start all over. Everybody gets a second chance."

-Forrest Gump

as desperation takes hold

I'm sick of being so tired, so empty, so desperate..it's actually become frustrating, I excessively insist on this and victimize myself, and it's making me sick. Why do I need to keep complaining about it? A teenager who has issues, how refreshing! I'll try to keep it down, I promise. New year's resolution: I have to get my shit together. If only it was that simple.



Do you cry out in your sleep? All my failings exposed..
Gets a taste in my mouth, as desperation takes hold.
Why is it something so good just can't function no more?
And love, love will tear us apart again..

she's lost control

"Confusion in her eyes that says it all

She's lost control

And she's clinging to the nearest passer by

She's lost control

And she gave away the secrets of her past

And said I've lost control again

And of a voice that told her when and were to act

.....
But she expressed herself in many different ways,
Until she lost control again.
And walked upon the edge of no escape,
And laughed I've lost control.
She's lost control again."


-joy division

...right, christmas.

falling feels like flying (for a little while)

Forgive me for being so redundant...
I don't remember ever being without this strange feeling of guilt, straight to the pit of my stomach, during winter. It doesn't really matter whether I'm alone or not, it's just a strange tiredness always pulling me over. I feel like I have never been well rested in my entire life. It might not be at all atypical, most people get depressed during winter, but this feeling it's so persistent..i don't know, i don't really want to know. I still need to figure things out, I still need to stop taking steps back, but I am not depressed right now at all. It's a strange déjà vu and all that, but in the end, I'm just too tired for all of this to start it all over again.

note to self: stop taking things for granted. stop taking life for granted.

teenage wasteland

she has blue hair and still gets id-ed buying cigarettes. she's cutting to waste her smile and youth, she's taking back all that she'd proved. and she's smoking just to kill the time, but smoking kills her expensive perfume instead. the mob didn't drag her in, but she's managed to get stuck somewhere in between. 'how many times must i explain myself, you just got it the wrong way. how many times do i have to say i'm just living dissipation'

it's just your way, you hear me wrong
I hear you say you're getting up, getting up
baby hold on, baby come on